How to Dinosaur

There are few things in life my children are experts at. One of them is to consume an entire bag of chips in one meal. Another is how to "do" the dinosaur museum.

When you see the billboard for the dinosaur museum, it says, "World's Largest Dinosaur Museum. Really." And you think, "In Utah? Are you sure?" They are right. I'm here to tell you, because I've been through it about 200 times. There are few things ALL of my children like to do as much as see our nearby Museum of Ancient Life.

The first thing you have to do is go through space. There is a walkway that is pitch black covered with little stars. Luckily now they have an escape hallway to the side so you don't have to take the scared two-year-old through it. (I have had 4 2-year-olds who have been scared of space. Maybe they should rethink that one.)

Then, you run as fast as you can through the educational exhibits and dinosaur skeletons until you get to this thing. You can only play here for a total of 5 minutes or as long as it takes for mom to catch up to you.

Then you get to the sand and water exhibit, where you can build dams and islands and watch the effects of water on earth. Or you can hoard all the play dinosaurs from the other kids. Or you can go way overboard and use every bit of sand that is on your side and make a small diorama of Lagoona Beach. You can even do this if you are 12.

I had to show this. Apparently now they have gnomes hidden throughout the exhibits. I am a gnome lover, and I hate to say it, but I didn't see a single one. Hmm, this smells of a conspiracy.

Then you come to the grand denoument of the exhibit: The mega-shark. You pretend you're going to be eaten and you think that maybe this time you might be able to take one of those teeth, but mom always sees.

Then you get to dig for dinosaur bones with a paintbrush, and according to the little boy digging by us, "You never know what you're digging up until you dig it up."

There are things you can do at the dinosaur museum that you can't do anywhere else. For example, you can carry around mom's camera case and pretend you are Indiana Jones. Then you find an awesome pith helmet at the gift shop and you magically turn into Henry Jones. You can be a kid even when you are in 8th grade, because you are far enough away from your neighborhood that none of your homies will see you having fun. Most of all, you get to be with your brothers and sisters in a place where you don't fight about anything and you outnumber the grownups. You may even become an expert on dinosaurs.