You know how it is when you're around kids. There's usually something that is their favorite thing to do that they want to do all the time that completely annoys you. Playland at McDonald's. Nickelcade. The mall. My youngest child loves to go see "The Nemo's," which, if you don't speak Maggie, means The Living Planet Aquarium in Sandy. So today I pulled up my big girl panties and decided to muscle through yet another trip to the aquarium. And my children pleasantly surprised me.

For starters, none of them ran away in the crowds of people to hide behind someone else. They stayed right with me. They patiently waited to look at the tanks of fish and seahorses and octopuses and starfish without clotheslining any other children. They were too scared without their bigger brother and sisters to touch the sting rays in the tank, so we didn't even have to wash our hands. They got scared when I tried to poke the piranhas through the glass. And they let me take their pictures and even said "Cheese." This may not seem like a big deal, but to a mom who has usually chased up to five children in public places for eight years, this was a welcome relief.

I believe in field trips. I think there are things you can learn out in the big, bright world that you can't learn at home, internet or no. But I have to admit, field trips take a toll on the parents. There is a lot of preparation to be done before you leave. And 70% of that preparation is mental. The difference in today's trip? Totally spontaneous. We just did it because everyone else was at school. No pressure, no preparation, just going in for fun with plenty of time to wander. I'm going to have to remind myself to do that again sometime.

The Unfinished Product

So, prepare yourself. This is the blog post where Margo acts like a total and complete brat. There. I said it. So we had our house painted a few months ago, and it only cost half a million dollars. Then we had the windows replaced last month, which was about two million dollars. And those were two of the biggest jobs I thought I wanted done to make me finally have a long and torrid love affair with Grace Kelly. However, it has seemed to exacerbate our already shaky relationship. We just aren't jiving. The trim color we picked seemed great at the time, but once the windows were in, they all just seemed to clash with one another. I have thought about this for weeks, and let me tell you how annoying it is to think about something so material and bratty for so long. It's annoying. So today, my nice neighbor Mike took me on a little field trip to look at some of these darling cottages with beautiful paint jobs. And I think I've found the solution.

I'm going to pretend I don't have orange brick on my house and paint the trim a nice tan color. Not cream, that's too light. Not taupe, that's too much the same color as the stucco. A nice, middle of the road tan to balance out the stucco, brick, and window colors. The fact that I'm even having this conversation with myself is enough to make me move to Guatemala to live in a hut with dirt floors to make me appreciate what I do have, which is a house without a leaky roof but with a leaky basement, a house with a kitchen but not a pretty one, and a house with happy people inside but with one discontented mother. I am such a bad paint picker anyway, I have no idea why I thought I could pick paint for a huge, expensive, long-lasting project like this. It's the epitome of Marge Madness.

Happy New Year's!

In case you didn't know, New Year's is really in late August. Everything is new, everyone is motivated, and there's a new schedule to follow. The only thing we don't have is a new calendar. I should just buy one of those 16-month deals so I can really feel the holiday spirit.

Every year, on New Year's Day, I take a picture of my kids on our front step to show how much they've grown and what they wore on the first day. Too bad we don't live in the same house with the same porch that we lived in when I started this tradition. We have an addition to the New Year's participants this year: child #4. Finally big enough to go to the big kid school, finally big enough for a backpack. It's enough to make you want to throw confetti and have a stiff drink.

Letting It Go

So, remember when I said it was the garden's year? Apparently, it was only the garden's three months. This is what I pulled out of my garden, front and back flower beds today. And guess what? This isn't even all of it! There's still more that I was way too lazy to pull out. It's going to be waiting for me, patiently, until I get some more caffeine in my body and a nice back rub. I have really let my yard go.

And why, you may ask, am I sharing this small bit of embarrassment with you? I could have just as easily gone the whole rest of my life and not shared this information with the world wide web. It's because I wanted you to know the truth. The truth is, gardening starts out easy in the spring. The ground is soft from all the melted snow and spring rains. You baby the seeds you've planted, hoping every day for some bit of growth you can chart. It's pure success, I tell you, this gardening in the spring. But then, things change. Day trips are planned. You go out of town for a weekend. The plants are big enough to skip a day of watering, so you let it go for a day. Then there are a string of 100+ degree days and you think, if I have to go outside for one minute longer than I have to my eyelashes will melt off. You get caught up in the rush of school preparations, and you attempt to potty-train the world's most stubborn toddler. The plants patiently wait for you. They are silently calling, "Hey, could you take care of these weeds? They're really cramping my style. You won't have any pumpkins for Halloween if you keep this up."

Then, when you finally get up the gumption to go out and tackle that yard, you say to yourself, "You know, this garbage can wouldn't be so full if I had weeded last month before the weeds grew as tall as my husband." But there were so many good reasons to put it off. The zoo. The dinosaurs. The pool. The McDonald's. It is a classic lesson we see so many times in life, isn't it? We wish we had done the job when it was small, but we lie to ourselves as to why we didn't do it, like we are important diplomats with uber-important schedules that can't possibly be altered. As I was doing manual labor today, I thought that my head hadn't been this clear in a long time. My head is cluttered with big thoughts and creative yarns strewn on its floor like my messy craft room. Doing something that is simple and easy that still requires effort is sometimes the only cure for a foggy brain. And, my own bit of advice? Make sure you do it the day after the garbage man comes, so you have room for all of your lazy excuses to be thrown away. There are some things its okay to just let go.

Lightning Strikes...Twice

25 Random Things about this group of people:

1. My husband is the tallest guy I know. And here is the proof. That makes him hot.

2. The first boy I ever fell in love with is in this picture. And he still talks to me. Love ya, Matt.

3. The first boy I ever fell in love with didn't tell my husband any embarrassing stories about me. Still love ya, Matt.

4. I am better friends with Clayton now than I was in high school. Back then I was so unappreciative of good humor. But now, being fully mature and all, I am so glad to be associated with Clayton's brain.

5. I got to see McCall twice in two months. Luckeee.

6. Jon can do a great impression of Troy. And if you don't know Troy, you are missing out.

7. All roads lead to Clayton's brother, Todd.

8. Some restaurants have gluten free menus! And some waiters will get them for you after only two times asking.

9. I have almost all boy friends from high school. That's weird. But I'm lucky because now I have three new girl friends because they all married really cool chicks.

10. Libby is one of the calmest, soothing people I have ever met. And I got to talk to her for two hours. It was zen-like. She must have a lot of practice from living with Clayton.

11. You can still get a good picture even if you have a fingerprint smudge on your lens.

12. I discovered all of us had checked ourselves out of school by forging our parents' signatures at some time or another. It's so weird we all have the ability to forge signatures...like we're connected...but we've never done it since high school. Hmmm.

13. Even though none of us really paid attention in school, we all are fully functioning adults. If that doesn't reaffirm your faith in the school system, I don't know what will.

14. Apparently I have the best memory of details from 20 years ago than anyone in this picture.

15. Jon has gotten over his shy side and decided to tell us exactly what he thinks about getting his picture taken. I think he's trying to say, "What's taking you so long, waiter?"

16. Clayton told me he had shaved off his mustache but apparently can regrow a goatee in only 12 hours.

17. Matt's wife is one of the lucky ones who can wear a pixie haircut and not look like a boy. Unlike another girl in that picture who used to have short hair but was often mistaken for a boy...

18. McCall and Jon don't have kids yet, so they know all about the best restaurants in town. I got some great recommendations. I only know where to order chicken nuggets and Sprite.

19. Clayton taught me how to eat brie for the first time. It helps when you go on a mission to Belgium/Brussels with Jon.

20. Jon knows how to make Clayton instantly cry. Don't ask.

21. My husband is the world's greatest living expert on the City of St. George.

22. Just because you thought you were going to be something when you went to high school doesn't mean you will end up doing that for a job when you grow up. Unless you're Matt, who was born to be an accountant.

23. Sitting around and eating hummus and pitas with people makes you think you know them. And then they drink four Cokes and you think you might not.

24. Friendship isn't measured by the amount of time you spend with someone, but by the amount of fun you have with people when you spend time with them.

25. We have the most supportive spouses who will agree to be dragged along to dinner with people they have never met and listen to us talk about bandanas and ripped jeans and the good old days. Go Vikes!

Sometimes lightning strikes and you get to associate with awesome, funny people for a while. And sometimes it strikes twice.

Do you Tweet?

Do you use Twitter? I have been consciously objecting to Twitter since the second I found out Ashton Kutcher used it. I just lost all respect for it. Twitter seems like a vehicle for vapid movie stars and pop singers to project their stupidity upon the general public, whenever they feel like it. And I think the concept is ruining the communication of everyday Americans who must boil down their lives to 140 characters, or however many you get.

That being said, I have also recently been educated as to how using Twitter is a great way to create buzz about your endeavors, whatever they may be. Grudgingly today I signed up for a Twitter account. For the sole purpose of forwarding my cooking blog, mind you. I don't think I'll ever tweet about labor pains or how cool life is while using text lingo. But I will tweet about cooking with cornstarch and fava bean flour. Parmesan cheese and almond meal. So there. If you are a twitterholic, leave a comment and let me know what you love about it. I am open-minded! I want to embrace new technology. Let's just say I've raised the bar pretty high for this technology, and I hope it delivers.

If you want to follow me on Twitter, (I can't believe I just typed that) search for offwheatenpath. If I were more technical, I'd figure out how to put a widget on here or something...

I Caught the Wave

Every year it's the same thing. I go into a frenzy of spending because the doors to the school will open in a few weeks. I spend hundreds of dollars and the sad part is I don't even get to spend any of it on myself! You see, I labor under the delusion that all fall purchases must be made in August. That's right. Even though it's still a solid ninety degrees outside I am on the prowl for pants and sweaters. My kids won't be able to wear their new school clothes for a good 8 weeks but I have to have them all in my house now. And everybody must have all their wardrobe choices, pens, folders, glue sticks, and new lunchboxes purchased before the school year starts. And every year, I buy all this stuff and inevitably after the first week of school there is a new list of things we have to have that had I just waited two more weeks to buy I could have done in one fell swoop to Wal Mart.

I know I'm not the only woman in America who operates under these conditions. There's two weeks of summer left! Hurry, buy sweatshirts! Like any kid ever started school without cold-weather clothing and froze throughout the winter. Okay, I'm sure that has happened (sadly) but we are talking hypothetically for most of us. I think that maybe the reason for this is that mentally, once the kids go back to school, I go back to school. I'm all for teaching personal responsibility and accountability, but does anyone else out there think that there's no way a kindergartener can sign all those papers and get his own homework done? And how many of us have sworn we would never interfere in a school project and then jumped in at the last second or given advice when asked about how to finish an assignment? How many of you have kids with learning disabilities (like I do) and have to supervise every scrap of homework anyway?

Every day during the school year I dread the great backpack dump (it's like the complete opposite of a government bailout...everything comes out of the pockets, nothing goes in) and it's accompanying mess. Every year I start out strong and by April 28 I am so done with school that I send my kids to school in shoes with holes and lunches made of granola bars and Frosted Mini-Wheats. So that explains my logic with the Great School Spending Wave every August. The more I get done now, the less it will matter on April 28 when I am burned out. You have to ride the wave while it's here, because sooner or later you'll wipe out on the beach and have to use your back-up board to finish the race. So now I'm off to teach some personal responsibility and order my daughter to clean out the hairdo drawer so it's ready for the beginning of school.

Up, Up and Away

I love this picture. We were all riding the ski lift up to do the Alpine Slide. Oldest was off at camp, youngest was in that building behind us with Grandma and Grandpa, oblivious to the fun she was missing. It was a perfect day in Park City, not too hot, not too chilly, just right for riding up and down a mountain.

I love that all the kids are smiling, and that Sam's smile looks a bit tortured. I love that they are all holding on to the railing, because I was so adamant that they "be safe." They are listening! And I love that we are just together and having fun.

It seems like so much of the time I spend mothering is in saying no, or scolding, or directing traffic. I am so often caught with my eyebrows knitted together and the corners of my mouth drawn down. It seems that I can truly let go and have a great time enjoying my children's company only when we do something unplanned, off the schedule. When we have places we need to go and stuff we've gotta do, that's when I turn drill sargent. Luckily, that's what summer is for. For filling up the blow-up pool in the backyard and blasting each other with the hose to going to Grandma's house to making popcorn balls for no reason, summer is the time to truly enjoy each other's company. What are your favorite ways to connect in the summer?

Aww...the New Baby

I have yet ANOTHER blog available for your love and time-wasting enjoyment. It's called "Off the Wheaten Path" and is solely devoted to gluten-free food. I have recipes, product suggestions, and links to sites that have not only information on celiac's disease and a gluten-free diet, but great recipes to try on your own. If this speaks to you and you are fully grateful for my sharing of creativity in the kitchen and love of wheat-free-i-ness, stop on by and leave me a comment. Or vote in the "What recipe do you want to see next?" just for fun. It's not easy being this prolific, let me tell you. I haven't cooked for my children or cleaned the house yet this week. Oh, wait. I haven't done that all summer! So we're good.

Time for TV

So today I got to be on TV. I cooked gluten free crepes and forced the anchors to eat sugar. It was great. I was nervous when I got there, but it was amazing how relaxing cooking can be. Even when there's huge lights in front of your face and they may run in any second and tell you you're on. But that's not the hard part. I repeat: doing a TV show is not the hard part. WATCHING the TV show after is the hard part! I think it is painful for anyone who is not everyday on-air talent to be somewhat horrified after every time they see themselves on camera. Luckily, while you're on camera you're so worried about not messing up that you forget to be self conscious and it all goes well. But when you get home and watch the TiVo it seems to crash down on you. Do I really look like that when I laugh? How much longer until I get my roots done? My voice doesn't really sound like that, does it? Oh well. These are the days of our lives...